The T-shirt of Shame!!

True story: I tease my friends.
I never used to. I was never raised to tease the people I love. But somehow in my adult life, I have acquired this rotten habit. I think it may have started at a previous job- a place where a bunch of women sit around and get on each other’s nerves. In any case, I never mean anything by it- usually I tease people over things that they think are funny.

Case in point: my friend JD. She signed up to run the Jingle Bell run a couple of years ago in Tallahassee (for my non-Tally Peeps it’s a 5k that is held annually in Tallahassee around the holidays). During this particular year, she had a series of mishaps that led to her not running (I think infected sinuses, a hurt back, and the opening of the Little Ceasar’s near her house may have been involved). I can’t say I blame her- to be honest, I never really understood what everyone gets all crazy about the Jingle Bell run for- its barely even a work out, it’s almost always cold and sometimes it rains, not to mention, I don’t deal well with crowds under the best of circumstances, let alone with the majority of the crowd is dressed like idiots wearing jingle bells (HA- Get it!! Jingle Bells in the Jingle Bell run. Yes, I am talking to you TK). But I digress.

So because JD generally has her act together, she pre-registered for the race and got a race t-shirt (whose purpose was to be worn during the race). Well, the series of mishaps happened, and long story short, she wore the Jingle Bell shirt to IHOP, although she did not run the race.

As luck would have it, she and her husband JB got the only waitress at IHOP that day that a) was not stoned out of her mind and b) was observant enough to notice that she was wearing a Jingle Bell run tshirt and c) knew that it was kind of a big deal in Tallahassee. So this phenom of a waitress begins an inquisition about the run. Now, rather than admit that her sinuses and Little Ceaser’s got the better of her and that she did not in fact, run the Jingle Bell run or better, tell the waitress to mind her own business, JD figures that there is only one way out of this situation: LIE. Now, anyone who knows JD knows that she can NOT in fact, LIE. She pretty much sucks at it. Which is one of my favorite things about her. I think it means that she doesn’t have a lot of practice at lying which=good person.

In any case, this is how the conversation goes:
Waitress: So, you ran the Jingle Bell run last night?
JD: Ummmm…. Yeah….
Waitress: Wow!! That is great! I was going to run it myself, but I had to work. I am so jealous!!
JD: Yeah, well. It was fun. (This is the point at which her husband looks at her like, “why are you lying about this?”).
Waitress: So was it similar to last year’s run?
JD: Yeah, it was pretty much the same (side bar: it wasn’t- there were like thousands of MORE runners than in the previous year).
Waitress: So what was your time?
JD: I forget- It was about the same as it usually is (as she buries her face in her menu, hoping the Inquisition will end. It is at this point that JB chimes in with some commentary of his own).
JB: What is it that your dad hates, JD? I think it starts with an L… lawyers? Or was it Liars?

So hence forth, the Jingle Bell run t-shirt became the t-shirt of shame. It is also the reason that I tease JD any time I hear that she is going to run in a race. I usually contribute by asking if she was actually going to run it this time or if she was going to just wear the t-shirt and pretend that she did. I also do the same with my friend LR, who actually began the run, but quit half way through to grab burgers and beers that were along the race route.

So why am I telling you this? Fast forward to yesterday. I am clicking around the Pretty Princess race website and I stumble across an interesting bit of information:
“All athletes entering the Half Marathon must maintain a 16-minute per mile pace or faster throughout the entire race.  Anyone not able to maintain the respective paces will be picked up and transported to the finish. You may be picked up at any point along the course for not maintaining pace. If you are transported to the finish line for any reason you will not receive a finisher's medal.”

WHAT? Are they now discriminating against Slowskies? WTF!!??

Now, I know what you’re thinking: Jeeze, Bishop can’t you manage a 16 minute pace? I’ve seen paint dry faster than that!

To which, I would concur. I am not a fast runner under the best of circumstances but definitely not when I have recently had a baby. But given that I have had very little time for training of late, and that is not likely to change in the next month (besides, I think my advisor would like me to finish my dissertation sometime in this century), I decided to pull out of the Princess race. I think Nico and I will still go down to see the girls run. There would likely be an “incident” if someone tried to pick me up in the lame-o wagon. Then I would be in jail and on the news, and that is not a good look for anyone!

In any case, the experience of running the race would be forever tainted for me, were I to be picked up by the Lame-O wagon.  In fact, if that were to happen to me, then I would be open to teasing from LR and JD about me wearing a tshirt for a race that I didnt actually finish. 

On a similar note, Dave has convinced me to join the dark side and get a membership at Premier. This admission makes my soul hurt a little.  Next thing you know, we'll be living in Killearn and I will be driving a mini-van.