Crying it Out

Sorry I have been MIA- this week was pretty crazy. In between Nico starting child care (and all the hoops you have to jump through with the paper work and the what not) and the soccer season starting back up (we took a win against Godby and drew with Rutherford yesterday), we had kind of a social week.

Tuesday night one of our girls' parents had us over for dinner after the game (she kept Nico during the game since it was ridiculously cold). They had cornbread and soup waiting for us when we were done with the game. BTW- have found another corn bread that I will eat (in addition to Cracker Barrel's). Mmmmmmmmmm. So we were out late on Tuesday night. Then we had dinner with Ursie and Clay and Deanna on Thursday night. Ursie and Clay had a baby about six weeks after Nico was born- and just moved back from Ft Pierce. Of all my friends who have had babies recently, Ursie is most similar to me these days in that she is an advanced graduate student- trying to balance a dissertation and being a mom.

Nico is doing well. Getting big. He seemed to do well with child care last week. I think that the girls that work there might have had a come to jesus meeting with Nico about the sleeping- there arent enough of them to dedicate just one to hold Nico while he goes to sleep. In the struggle that Dave and I have had just to "get by" with Nico, we have produced a little monster when it comes to sleep habits. The Baby Whisperer called this "accidental parenting" where you just fall into something that works for you. Of course, this is largely because of our life thus far. Putting him on any kind of schedule didnt seem like a great idea at first, because I knew that it would just get messed up by soccer. For example, if we have games at home, this often doesn't put us back to Tallahassee until 1000-1030 at night. This is often after a long, stressful day. Having a 1.5-2.0 hour routine that involves eating, taking a bath, infant massage, reading books, changing into jammies, listening to music, singing, etc. didn't seem reasonable. However, rocking him to sleep did seem reasonable. So did nursing him till he went to sleep. The result is a situation I have now, where I am tipped far back in my office chair, him laying on my shoulder sleeping because this is the only way he can get a nap while I do something "productive".

But there are other things too. I am opposed to "Cry it out", where your baby learns to self-soothe himself to sleep. Its one of the only parts of parenting that Dave and I disagree on. He is worried that Nico won't be independent- that he will be fearful and afraid to be by himself. Which is a valid fear, I think. But all I can think about is, what Nico is probably thinking, which looks like this:

Nico (thinking): I am tired. I need to go to sleep. Where are those people that take care of me? I am tired. So I should start to cry now, because that is what happens. I cry and someone comes to get me... then I can go to sleep. Okay, I am crying now. Where is that lady? She usually comes to get me. Any minute now. Keep crying. Lets cry a little louder- she might be doing laundry or something and she probably can't hear me. As soon as she hears me she will come get me. Any minute now. Where is she? Why isn't she coming to get me? I AM TIRED. COME GET ME SO I CAN GO TO SLEEP. LADY- CAN'T YOU HEAR ME? I AM CRYING. WHY ISNT SHE COMING TO GET ME? MAYBE SHE ISNT TAKING CARE OF ME ANYMORE.

MAYBE ITS SOMEONE ELSE. OH GOD, WHO IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF ME? WHAT IF I AM HUNGRY? I AM TIRED. COME GET ME!!

WHERE IS SHE? SHE ISN'T COMING. I AM SO... TIRED... GUESS I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF NOW... SINCE CLEARLY I CAN'T COUNT ON THE ONE PERSON WHO HAS BEEN TAKING CARE OF ME MY WHOLE LIFE. JUST GOES TO PROVE YOU CAN'T COUNT ON ANYONE EXCEPT YOURSELF IN THIS WORLD. EVERYONE ELSE LETS YOU DOWN. I AM ON MY OWN. 


Seriously.  Dude, did anyone ever see the episode of Mad About You, where Paul and Jamie do the CIO with Mabel?  Check it out here.  How Jamie feels at the end? Exactly.  

Since we have never really put him on a regular schedule and done all the other things that are supposed to help him sleep through the night on his own, I feel that the CIO method is a little extreme.  So the soccer season will end soon.  Likely at the end of the month or beginning of Feb.  And we'll try getting him on a regular schedule and see if that helps.  And maybe he wont have to be rocked to sleep or held as he sleeps.  Hopefully, because I dont want to use the nuclear option (CIO).