The last couple of days have been pretty rough at night.
A caveat: this is about to be an explanation of how I am my own worst enemy. This will likely sound a bit neurotic and even a bit whiny. This post also contains information on breastfeeding and nursing as well as pumping... so if you are completely uninterested in the finer details of how I am manufacturing nutrition for Nico, I advise you check back tomorrow or the day after for an update. You've been warned.
So my MO to this point has been characterized by a (perhaps irrational) fear of being in a situation where Nico is screaming his face off because he is hungry, but I cant kill his hunger (via nursing). That is just some stressful nonsense... and usually ends with me crying too- I cant help it. Its a chain reaction. Also, I can't lie, sometimes nursing him hurts...sometimes it doesnt. But the times where it hurts make me want to quit nursing and put that kid on Similac 24-7. In any case, I have attempted to create a stockpile of bottles in the fridge that are ready to go. I have done this by pumping and supplementing with formula (the good stuff mind you- that is fortified with DHA, which I think is good since my diet isn't always what you would call "balanced" or "nutritious"- funny, cupcakes aren't loaded with DHA, but I digress). Yes, I feel the tiniest twinge of guilt for supplementing, but not really. I feel like he is getting the antibodies and immunition qualities, from the breast milk, but also good brain development with the DHA, but whatev. While this has partially been driven by my own issues with this whole breastfeeding odyssey, it was in large part due to the fact that I wanted to make sure that he was getting enough to eat every day (which is easy to do with a bottle).
So I went to the breastfeeding support group again on Tuesday, where I weighed Nico before feeding him and after breastfeeding and determined that he took in about 4 ounces, which is perfect for a kid his size. My conclusion is that my mile supply is established, he gets enough to eat each time he nurses, that I dont need to pump anymore and that sometime someone is going to award me with Mom of the Year, Thank you very much!!
I dont know what I do this, but it seems like every time I go to that damn group, I start questioning what I am doing... I think its partially a fear over how much weight Nico has gained... he was 12 pounds on Tuesday, suggesting that he had put on 3.4 pounds in about 3 and half weeks. The breastfeeding lady told me that its really easy to overfeed a baby with a bottle, but that it is not possible if you are breastfeeding.
For Tuesday I experimented with the non-stockpiling of the bottles... and it began what I like to think of as the two day long Battle of the Beast. On Tuesday, Nico got about 1 ounce of formula and about 30 something ounces of breastmilk (which is largely different than what he had been getting, which is about 22 ounces of breastmilk and 9-10 ounces of formula). And he was cranktastic Tuesday night and much of Wednesday. Gas-a-rific! Oh, and not sleeping. EVER.
So let me pause this story to make this claim: I didnt believe in colic. Yeah... I just said that. I know... I sound like the president of South Africa, not believing in AIDS... its just that even doctors dont know what causes "colic" (acute abdominal pain)... to me colic is what happens to a horse when they ingest too much sand (from eating hay, food and grass off the ground). It causes horrible stomach pain, and can kill a horse. Since this clearly wasnt this case with Nico, I just figured that he had gas, end of story.
However... it is possible for a mother to exacerbate a gassy baby situation with her diet, especially if it is high in dairy products, which lets be real here, describes me to a tee... love skim milk and yogurt... and will fight with Dave over ice cream. So, to the best of my knowledge, on Tuesday and Wednesday, I replaced a good proportion of Nico's diet with gassy milk and eliminated the nongassy milk. So no wonder he was so cranktastic!! Seriously, it was bad... awake for hours at a time grunting like he was trying to pass gas, and when he wasnt doing that, he was crying... for what seemed like no reason.
Now, I am not sure I would start calling me Dr. Spock, because I want to wait till tonight to see if he really is "cured" or just so tired that he slept like a rock this morning. In any case, Nico is going on hour #2 of solid deep sleep, which is more than he's had in the last couple of days put together. The lesson I learned: don't second guess myself. I am not such a rook...
you might not be a rookie -- and the jury is still out on that one --. However, someone with your education, your compassion, your innate intelligence that allows herself to be minipulated into feeling bad about her decisions by a bunch of self righteous bee-aitches? I think you should have a throw down at the breast fest.
ReplyDeleteNumber One Rule for childrearing: What is best for MY child? Always. And if that is supplementing -- so be it. Or going to formula 24-7. How about a goat in the back yard?
What amazes me are these La Leche kind of gals who think the only way is their way, and yet they don't think twice about slamming immunizations and antibiotics into their child's body.
I can't imagine you ever doing something borderline bad for Nico because it's easier. If you were told that the best thing for your child is to stand on your head, you'd be doing it right now. F*&K 'em.
Jessi's intuition and knowledge: WIN
ReplyDeleteKnow-it-all lady's closed-mindedness: FAIL
i could write an essay on this (in fact, i think i'll write my own blog, lol).
ReplyDeleteThey never tell you how HARD breastfeeding is. I cried EVERY day with Olivia. She never seemed to be getting it- always fussing when she would start to eat, gassy and spitting up soooo much. I almost quit so many times but the doc said she was gaining the right amount of weight and was getting enough food so we stuck with it. I experimented with changing different things and we found that caffeine was probably the cause. when i drink too much coke, olivia feels it. do you know how much it SUCKS to not be able to drink coke zero all day long????
I, too, went to a breastfeeding support lunch. bunch of moms sitting around breastfeeding with their boobs out. didn't help me at all and i only went once. just made me feel really uncomfortable. luckily they weren't super-militant about it and even suggested i supplement if i felt like i needed a rest because olivia was eating every 1 1/2-2 hours.
it does get easier after about 6 weeks or so...but we still struggle at times.
keep on doing what you're doing. i am the same way in that i start questioning every thing i am doing as a rook but it is true that you can trust your instincts. just find what works for nico...oh, and don't give him any crack cocaine. he'll be fine!